V/H/S (2012)

I watched this one on a Sunday afternoon all alone as day gave way into dusk in late November 2022.

This one is fun, more than anything. In terms of bang for your buck, this bad boy comes with six shorts within a frame narrative.

The frame story is not necessarily interesting, to start. I was mostly sticking with it to find out what was on the tape that our mains were searching for. Once the first story hit, I was far more interested.

Amateur Night:

I like you. - Lily

This first segment was enchanting, fun, gory, and full of "go get 'em" attitude. With a nervous, unsure, underdog protagonist and a violent, sexy, and somehow endearing antagonist, Amateur Night is a strong start for the V/H/S anthology-style set-up. Once the monster had her big reveal, I fell in love with the creature and that she was somehow misunderstood. Her kidnapping of the protagonist right at the end sealed the deal that she was irredeemable. The scariest shot for me would have to be the Siren standing bizarrely in the dim light of the TV. Eight out of Ten.

Second Honeymoon:

A new turn of events will soon come about. A happy reunion... - Stephanie

The second segment in the anthology was, for me, the scariest. This one gave me the heebie-jeebies all the way through simply because it was, well, incredibly believable. An unsuspecting honeymoon couple is terrorized by an intruder in the night- the viewer coming to find out that the wife was in on it all along. Sounds like far too many true-crime podcast episodes for me to count. The scariest shot for me in this one would have to be the moment the intruder films the couple sleeping at night for the first time. Initially, the viewer is led to believe that it is the wife who has the camera, but in just a few seconds, the camera pans over to the wife sleeping soundly. Chills. Someone else is in the room. The reveal at the end was unexpected as well, which was a treat. Eight out of Ten.

Tuesday the 17th:

You're all going to die up here. - Wendy

This one was my least favorite, honestly. I didn't care for a digital stalker who hunts actors who are way too old to be playing teenagers. The premise of this one was interesting, a "digital" killer who can affect the real world, or at least while they are being filmed, but the execution did not do it for me. Three out of Ten.

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger:

You're acting really crazy, all right?

- James

This one I thought was the strangest of the group. It kept me interested, especially because it was created in a video-chat format, but something about it did not sell for me. I believe I had a bad taste left in my mouth from the previous segment and this did not redeem the film yet for me. The twist at the end was interesting and pleasant, but part of me believes it could have hit harder if Emily had found the tracker in her arm instead of leaving it be. I'm okay with aliens, but I think people are smart enough to know if they have a tracker in their arm. Emily just seemed too inept to me, and James had quite an easy job taking advantage of her. Five out of Ten.

10/31/98:

Come out, dude, it's gonna be an awesome party! - Tyler

By this point in the film I had nearly lost complete interest in the frame narrative and was no longer paying attention to it. This last segment before the finale was more fun than the rest, even though it lacked any kind of twist or plot, and was simply a ghosty scare fest. The special effects in this last segment were wild and beautifully done, even though they were nothing compared to what we saw in Amateur Night. Six out of Ten.

Tape 56:

Oh Man, He Smells.

This frame narrative was lackluster to me. I've experienced much better ones in other films, some of which I'll write about eventually. Finding empathy for people who assault women for fun and damage property is hard for me, I'll admit. It was hard to give a shit whether or not these people lived or died to be honest. Filming people without their consent for money and adding assault makes me not care if you go into a house of horrors of your own volition hoping to make a score. Two out of Ten.

Overall, as I said, this film was fun and a good watch if you're bored, but I'm much more interested in the production of the shorts than I am in the overall story. Six out of ten, overall.

-B